title: Climbing
path: /poems/climbing/
created: 2026-10-22T03:50:40Z
updated: 2026-10-22T03:50:40Z

# Climbing
# Written for a friend
# Aug 16th, 2025

Climbing is fun!
But you'll slip and fall.

Thousands of steps to the top,
and a few hundred handholds to find,
and five or six places to piss.

I hate hikers.
These loud
and annoying
shitheads.
They bark and squall,
"Why don't you take the trail?"
"Why climb when you could take the path?"

"Because I'm a fucking legend,"
"and you're fat and dumb,"
I say.
Do something about it.
Climb out here and kick my ass,
bitches.

Sweat and scratches,
effort and determination.

When I climb,
and when I fall,
grasping for something,
anything,
to save me from losing control,
I sometimes find something
in my hands
other than rocks—
I remember the thing they say—
The thing my friends said they love about me—
The fact that I'm crazy.

I dare the hikers,
the yuppie scum,
to climb over here
and take that
from me.
Make my day.